Bleah.

So I just experienced my first mammogram. And even though the people were nice and it wasn't painful, afterward I still just wanted to curl up in bed with a bowl of ice cream and cry.

I haven't done any of those things yet, but I am at home in my comfy pants, contemplating the ice cream in the freezer. Maybe I should have lunch first...

Anyway, all I can say is if men had to undergo the same procedure for testicular cancer, they would have come up with a better imaging method by now.

Here's to more women in medical technology!

Good things.

This year hasn't been all bad. Here are a few good things I'd like to remember.

The day someone brought corgi puppies to work.

Atticus got baptized.

And started Cub Scouts.

I made it to Delicate Arch on a gimpy ankle.

Family outing to Antelope Island.

Mama-Atticus hike to a local waterfall. On a gimpy ankle.

Mesa Verde on a gimpy ankle. (I will not be broken!)

Quality time with my boy.

The day we discovered a new mall with a playground and comfortable seats. And a Pokegym.

I knit a yellow sweater and a I quite like it. We are in nice clothes at Dead Horse Point because we were there for a wedding. More about this trip in another post.

So there. 

Thoughts on deep cleaning.

Yesterday was a deep cleaning day, and it felt good. And now I'm restless to attack the rest of the house, but I'm going to pace myself.

By the time I got out of bed, James had cleaned the bathroom, started the laundry, made a shopping list, and raked up a bunch of leaves. I knew I had to pull my weight. So I attacked the kitchen. I moved the appliances on the counter, wiped them down, and cleaned underneath and around them. I cleaned the toaster oven and the top of the microwave. I organized the storage cabinet and moved a bunch of jars and miscellaneous items to the basement. I cleaned off the top of the storage cabinet and arranged the stuff on the refrigerator doors. I wiped down cabinet doors and cleaned the outside of the trash cans. Later I moved the couches and swept up the dust bunnies and found a bunch of interesting stuff.

So often in our cleaning we focus on the big stuff and just move things to the corners or shove them in a closet. (Or maybe I'm just speaking for myself here.) And most of the time that's fine. But I've been feeling cluttered lately, and just moving the piles of stuff or even throwing it away didn't feel like enough. All the junk and dust lurking in the corners was getting me down.

So now when I look at my kitchen there is still a pile of stuff on the table and assorted things on the counters. But the kitchen still feels clean. The living room feels clean.

A long time ago I heard someone say, "If you want a clean house, take care of the corners. Scrub those corners well, and the middle will take care of itself." I'm finding that to be true.

The implications and analogies here are endless. When life feels overwhelming and cluttered, pay attention to the dusty corners and closets where you shove stuff to deal with later. What am I avoiding? What have I hidden and ignored?

It's not all bad stuff. When I was going through some of my craft supplies to get ready to teach a class on making felt Christmas ornaments, I found a paper Christmas garland that I had started a couple years ago but never finished. I think I'll finish that this year. What other treasures might I find that I wasn't ready to complete before but might be ready to tackle now?

Anyway, those are my thoughts for today. I'm ready to start digging out of this painful year and start making progress again.

*Later*
It felt fantastic to be so productive, but by the time we went grocery shopping, my leg and ankle hurt enough that I regretted not bringing the cane. And this morning both legs hurt enough (the right one from taking me up and down the stairs several times yesterday) that I did take the cane to church. It was a helpful reminder that my inactivity hasn't been completely without reason. Trying not to overdo it.

Thoughts on a difficult year.

It's strange to look back and realize how much my ankle has dominated my life this year. And that it really has been all year. It was in January that I tried a new treatment that initially eliminated the pain but quickly devolved into pain comparable to the original injury--I couldn't walk without crutches for a month. Cortizone in March. Surgery in June. Still in a brace. Still a bit freaked out that my upper fibula is just floating free. And I expect to be uncomfortable through the end of the year. 

An entire year. 

The stranger part is to realize the side effects of this trouble, especially in my relationship with my husband. He has been a patient caregiver all this time, and in many ways I've become an entitled receiver. I take for granted that he does most of the housework and cooking now. I haven't been a complete invalid, except for a week or so after the surgery, but I've gotten very comfortable on the couch. Now that I'm more mobile, I'm finding it a little difficult to resume some of these roles. I like being taken care of. But it's time to get moving again. Time to "rise from the dust" so to speak.

Here I go.

Comic Con Recap

We've been going to various cons for the past few years, but this year was especially eventful. James entered almost every contest, and while we didn't win the $50 in gift certificates, he DID win a two-night stay at a downtown hotel. The room was nicer than I expected, and the bed was really comfy. The hotel wasn't super close to the convention center, but it made us feel like we were on vacation. And they gave us a bunch of Japanese candy for some reason. Yum!

James also won a photo op with Manu Bennett, who played Slade/Deadshot on the TV show Arrow as well as Azog the Defiler in the Hobbit movies (voice and motion capture).

I'm never one for dressing up, but I love watching James and Atticus have fun. Here are some of my favorite pictures:

Atticus got to meet the original red Ranger and the second yellow Ranger (not pictured--they didn't come in costume)

When they opened the Ranger panel to audience questions, I looked at James and said, "These are the nerdiest nerds I've EVER seen." But then when one of them thanked the Red Ranger (Austin St. John) for his work with the Autism Foundation, it clicked that all of these people were likely on that spectrum. It made perfect sense, and we felt bad for mocking them. We later stopped by Austin's booth so Atticus could ask him how it felt to be a Power Ranger ("It was totally amazing") and get a high five. He was kind to talk to us and give Atticus full attention.

Group costumes are the most fun.

A meet-up of amateur Star Wars cosplayers. Atticus is in the front row, and James is the only Wookiee. We left before the Star Trek cosplayers came for a stand-off photo shoot. That Wookiee mask gets hot...

The big-ticket event this year was the panel with the actors who play Captain America and Falcon. There was rumor that Agent Carter would also show up. To avoid a stampede for seats, the organizers gave out tickets on a lottery system. It made a lot of people mad that they didn't give preference to people who bought VIP tickets, but it worked out well for us. We scored three tickets and got a good seat toward the front. James took this pic off of the jumbo screen (we didn't get this close).

This was my favorite event this year. Chris Evans (Captain America) wasn't as comfortable on stage as Anthony Mackie (Falcon), but they both seemed really genuine and happy to be there. Hayley Atwell (Agent Carter) didn't get to say anything, but she got a big cheer when she appeared on stage. She wasn't scheduled to do a panel for some reason.

Another favorite part was my friend Cindy's art booth. She does amazing papercuts. We'd already bought a print of the Utah-shaped one (quote from the end of Raising Arizona, which ends, "I don't know, maybe it was Utah"). I also bought a print of the Yoda to the left of Utah, which reads, "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter." I loved the quote but didn't recognize it--

it's from The Empire Strikes Back. I would have loved to buy everything she had, but we have only so much wall space.

Other things I don't have pictures for:

• Falcon and the commentator had an impromptu push-up contest on stage, so when Atticus saw the commentator on the convention floor, he dropped to the ground and started doing one-armed push-ups to challenge him. The guy was gracious enough to take the challenge and do a few himself.
• We took a break on Saturday and had lunch at a nicer place down the block. It was fun to sit in a restaurant patio with Luke Skywalker and a half-wookiee (James took off the top half of the costume).
• I stayed late to see John Barrowman, who played Captain Jack Harkness on Doctor Who/Torchwood. He's an amazing performer, but I was disappointed by how crude he was. I felt even worse when I realized I'd missed the general women's meeting to be there. It was kind of a bummer to end the weekend that way.

Overall, the experience was a lot of fun. The great thing about Comic Con is how nice people are. Even at the most crowded times and places, I never saw anyone rude or mean. You can talk to strangers and ask to take pictures with them, and it's all good. You stand in a long line and make friends with the people around you. I wasn't all that excited about going again this year, but I'm really glad we did. 

This boy...

Atticus and I had a good day today. James had parent-teacher conferences yesterday and today, so we were on our own until bedtime. And it was nice. I don't think I want to be a single mom anytime soon, but one-on-one time with my boy makes me happy.

Here are a couple things from today that I want to remember:

1. This morning we got to school just after the first bell rang. Atticus was a little frantic about being late:

A: "No time for kisses today, Mom."
Me: Uh-unh. There's always time for kisses.
He gives me a brief brush-by kiss, gets out hurriedly, and slams the door. [Pause]
He opens the door again.
A: "That wasn't a long enough kiss."
Climbs back in the car to give me a real kiss, gets out hurriedly, and slams the door. We exchange vulcan greetings as I drive away.
I smiled the whole way to work.

2. When I got home from work I put on my favorite Spotify playlist, and we listened to it most of the afternoon and evening. After he got out of the shower, he asked me to replay this song:

"It makes me feel whole," he said. I know exactly how that feels. It's how I feel as I write this now. My heart can hardly contain how much I love this boy.

Two brown eggs!

Ruby and Becky are both laying now! We were getting only one brown egg a day, so it was hard to tell if they were alternating days or if one just wasn't laying, but for two days in a row we got two huge brown eggs! And a half-eaten green one. Don't know what happened there, but we got a whole green one today. And only one brown egg. 

Really, ladies, would it kill you to all lay on the same day?