I'm officially a mom.

I timed my morning routine, and I have it down to 15 minutes. I can go from pajamas to showered, dressed, and presentable (make-up on, hair done) in less time than it took me to shower in high school.

I really did take 15-minute showers in high school, and I have no idea why it took me so long. I did wash my hair twice and shave my legs to the hip, but still.... After my mom told me that her leisurely showers took only 5 minutes (she could be in and out in 3), I tried to take a shorter shower, but it didn't work.

Unfortunately I also look like a mom, complete with stretchy pants and my hair in a bun every day. Oh well, I never was too glam anyway.

Not feeling it today

I was going to say the "babymoon" is over, but really I'm just having a bad day. I'm exhausted and have a headache and Atty has been gassy and fussy but is sleeping at the moment. I fell asleep after the 7 am feeding and had a dream that I came home from somewhere and realized I didn't have Atty with me. I thought I had left him in his stroller on the bus, but just as I was freaking out and trying to call UTA, my friend Margaret called to say I'd left him in his stroller at her house and was I ok? Not a good dream.

Two days ago all was well, mostly. I had us both fed and dressed by 10 am, cleaned up the house, washed the dishes and made the bed, and got some other work done. I felt on top of things and very capable. Atty was still gassy, but I was in better shape to deal with it. Now I'm finding myself wandering around the house wondering where I've left stuff and trying to remember what I was doing with it in the first place.

I told Atty this morning, "Sometimes taking care of you isn't very fun. But I always always always love you and am so grateful you're here." I guess that about sums it up.

Due Date

Today is Atty's due date. I have a hard time imagining being pregnant this long, and I especially can't imagine giving birth to a baby his size. He is now 8 lbs 4 oz--EIGHT POUNDS!! He gained 15 oz in two weeks, the little chunk, and one of those weeks was in the hospital. He's sporting a double chin and is starting to get rolls on his arms and legs. What a trooper.

I don't think he would have been this big if he'd gone full term. He's been on some high-calorie formula to help him grow, so I'm pretty sure he's bigger than he would have been. When people see him now, strangers say "what a little guy!" and those who know his story say "he's bigger than I thought he'd be."

He got his first immunizations Thursday. He took it pretty well, but he's had a couple rough nights. I'm a little nervous for his circumcision next week. I suspect he'll be uncomfortable for a few days, which means not much sleep for us. Oh well, this too shall pass. I'll sleep with him in the recliner if I need to. It's amazing how quickly life is no longer about you once you have a baby.

Maybe I'm a little over-sensitive, but still...

In the last month or so I've heard a couple people use the term "full-time mother" to refer to women who do not work outside of the home. And though I know that in both cases the speakers meant nothing more than this, it just didn't sit right with me. I mean, what does that make me, a "part-time mother"? Ick.

Every mother is a full-time mother. My baby is in the hospital and I see him only a few hours a day, but I am constantly thinking about him, planning for him, praying for him, missing him. Like many mothers, I will continue to work in some capacity while he is young, and I imagine I will feel very much the same way.

It's true that "stay-at-home mom" is inaccurate as well, so maybe we should just drop all the titles and define ourselves by what we are and always will be first and foremost: mothers.

Thanks. Just had to get that off my chest.