Temporary Detour?

My goodness, the last two weeks have felt like an epic fail. I want to turn it around, and I'm just not feeling motivated. Help!

My diet slipped and I didn't make it to the gym for a week, and when I got on the scale I was back to my starting weight. Worse, when I got on the machine at the gym, I was panting like I'd never worked out. I worked hard to achieve so little, and with one bad week I lost all the ground I'd gained.

I was so discouraged I spiraled into even worse habits this week. Because that makes so much sense, right?

My body feels terrible, and I'm grumpier and more irritable than before. Yes, I'm experiencing a higher-than-normal level of stress. I've applied for a new job, a process that started in January and finally reached the interview stage a week ago Wednesday. I'd been hoping to hear back within a few days, but the person in charge of hiring was traveling all last week, so I'm crossing my fingers for the upcoming week. It really is cruel and unusual treatment to stretch out the hiring process this long, but they're historians, so maybe they have a different concept of "a long time." And I really, really want this job, so I will wait as patiently as I have to.

But it's not like getting this job will completely change my eating and exercise habits, though they do have a rule of no food in the office (the office is in the same building as the library and archive, so food is a big no-no). Right now I'm surrounded by snacks and eat primarily at my desk, so that would certainly change. And my office would be on the 4th floor, so I could take the stairs more.

Anyway. I'm frustrated with myself. Why is it so hard to translate knowledge into action? What is the key to making it stick?

"Before" picture and weigh-in

I was going to post this cute picture of me and my boy eating sushi for my birthday, but then I saw the picture. Yeah, that's not going on Facebook. I had already been planning to start this program, but this really cemented my goal. I don't like looking like this. But the boy is cute. :)

Weighed in this morning, and I've lost another 1.2 lbs. Total loss to date: 2.2 lbs. I was really hoping the first 5 lbs would come off faster than this, but at least it's progress. This is going to be a long, slow process. But worth it in the end. It's already worth it. I just have to remind myself of that every so often.

42 Days: Week 3

Pep talk from the booklet: "This 42-day thing is no fad diet. It's not get-slim-quick regimen. It's about putting in the time, the commitment, the effort, the mental shift, all of it. Because at the end of the day, and at the end of the challenge, and someday at the end of our days as we know them, we'll look back and have to answer one question: What did we do with what God gave us while we were here on the earth?"

Way to bring in the heavy, lady. Thanks a bunch.

But really, that's what this is all about: all of the things I want to do and experience that I can't right now because of my limitations. Because I haven't taken care of my body like I should. I want to hike. I want to travel. I want to have the energy and strength to do and see the beautiful things in this world.

I'm still having trouble with my ankle, but it's going to hurt whether I exercise or not, so I might as well exercise. I'm going to make an appointment this week for a cortisone injection, so we'll see how well that helps and how long it lasts.

Here are the official questions:
Am I starting to lose my motivation? 
Yeah, maybe a little. I'm not seeing big results, and even though that's what I expected, you always hope for more. Plus the psychology of weight loss is sometimes self-defeating. I've been this size and shape for a while now, and I haven't always liked it, but I was ok with it because I knew I wasn't ready to do anything about it. Now that I'm ready to do something about it, I want it to change NOW. I'm no longer apathetic about my situation, so I'm more impatient.

But I'm actually getting MORE excited about exercise. The plan has you just do cardio three days and just do strength with a short warm-up two other days, which means you're getting some kind of exercise 5x a week. I combined the two, so I'm getting a solid cardio AND strength workout three days a week, which is an extra strength workout. But I haven't done anything the other days, so maybe the cumulative effect is less. Dunno. But this works for me.

I've started watching Magnum P.I. on Netflix when I'm on the elliptical machine. I workout longer and dread it less. Magnum is just for a workout--I'm not going to laugh out loud, and I'm not going to miss any major plot points (because there aren't any) if I look away to take a drink or check my progress. It's also funny to see the beginnings of feminist television--the lady cop (parole officer) is described as a no-nonsense "barracuda," but in a fight she still cowers back and tries not to get hurt.

But I digress...

Food challenges
This week wasn't much different for me, as I was already eating breakfast. I still don't crave sweets, and I'm ok passing them up. Starting tomorrow we are allowed one dessert a week, and I'm not sure I want to open that door. I've been thinking about making something special for Easter, but portion control is the hardest. I only get ONE dessert per WEEK, so having cake or cookies lying around for three days is not going to go well for me. My VT has figured out how to make half a cake mix so there aren't any leftovers when her family has dessert, but (1) I don't like cake mix, and (2) her family is bigger. Still, the concept applies. If I can make a really small batch of something James also likes, we might be ok. Pinterest, here I come. :)

If I have changed my diet and exercise in a positive direction, I have made progress. Is this progress visible yet? Can I admit to myself that it is still progress, even if I can't see it today?
Thanks for the reminder. Yes, positive change is progress. Not bingeing on chocolate every day at 3 is huge progress. Going from no exercise to three solid workouts a week is progress. Even if the scale doesn't budge, even if my pants are still too tight, I have made progress.

What are some of the positive changes I feel?
I'm less bloated and uncomfortable. I have more energy. I enjoy healthy food more. I look forward to workouts.


So there's my progress for this week. Next week the food challenge is to have a food "curfew" three hours before bedtime. I'm glad that starts tomorrow, because it's 7:45 and I'm about to eat a bowl of granola. :)

42 Days to Fit: Week 2 Begins

This morning was my weekly weigh-in. I lost exactly one pound, and my waist measurement is the same. Not the fireworks I was hoping for, but about what I expected.

I'm a little worried about today because I'm feeling stressed and anxious. This is when I normally crave chocolate and caffeine. I've packed a healthy lunch and snacks, but if I can't turn my mood around, this is going to be a rough day. So what do I need to do to feel better?

Figure out the problem.
I thought I was doing well this morning. I got into the shower on time, but somehow the rest of the morning got away from me. Atticus was taken care of, but I was still doing my hair when I realized we needed to be out the door. I thought I would have time for breakfast. I thought I was on schedule. Can I blame Atticus for suddenly having a million questions about the Titanic? Where did that come from?

Then I realized spring break is next week. How did I let that sneak up on me? It's been on the school calendar all year--how did it not make it to my calendar? What am I going to do with Atticus? I can't take a whole week off, which means I need to set up play dates and such. That means I have to call people. I hate calling people.

Then there are my general frustrations about work. Not excited to be here, but I have lots to do.

Figure out a solution.
I got the boys to school on time (barely), and I have microwave oatmeal at work. Let today go and figure out how to make tomorrow better. Win for today: I packed my lunch last night, so I didn't have to worry about that this morning. Focus on that drop of awesome and let the rest go.

One friend's mom works at the Snowbird kid's camp, and she offered to take Atticus up with her son next week. That takes care of one day. James will be home Thursday and Friday--two more down. So it's just two days I need to worry about. Veronica has Wednesdays off--maybe she can take him that day if I take Kaden for another. I really don't want to take Kaden, but maybe we can go to a movie or something. I can take one day off.

Work stress... right now the only way out is through. Just dig in and get it done. Be grateful that my very nice but very chatty neighbor is out today. I feel bad for being relieved, but I'm just not in the mood for him today.

Ok. I'm feeling a little better. Back to the diet.

Here are my goals for this program:

• Lose 10 lbs. That's 1-2 lbs a week, which is reasonable and maintainable.
• Clean up my diet. Get rid of most of the junk and increase produce intake.
• Get in the habit of exercise. Do something every day.

Thought questions for this week:

How did I do with week 1? Was it too hard? Too easy?

It was a little on the easy side, but overall it was just about right. I could increase the intensity of my workouts a little, and I could eat more vegetables.

Who am I doing this for? When working out, do I remember why this is worth it?

I'm doing this for myself. I'm tired of feeling "blech" and out of shape. I'm tired of being out of breath after one flight of stairs. I'm tired of hurting all over. 

You've been recruited.

If anyone still reads this blog, this is to inform you that you are now my "accountability partner" for the next five weeks of my new diet/fitness program. Yea! Lucky you!!

I'm following the 42 Days to Fit program, which slowly cleans up your diet and gets you focused on exercising 5 days a week.

I'm not going to post my weight and measurements here because they horrify me, but I'll keep you posted on the ups and downs.

Tomorrow will be the last day of week 1. Here's how it's gone so far:

How I Feel

• I started the week feeling like I'd swallowed a balloon. That hasn't changed much.
• I've had heartburn for more than a week. It doesn't seem to matter what I eat or don't eat. This is annoying.
• I'm motivated to make real changes gradually. This is a good program for gradual diet change.
• I've had more energy this week and slept a little better. 

Food

The challenge this week was to eliminate all sweets/desserts and to drink only water. Unsweetened herbal tea is ok, as is one glass of 100% juice with breakfast. 

• I had no problem with limited drinks. I have some favorite herbal teas I drink at work, plus plenty of water. I didn't even have the allowed juice. 
• Sweets were actually not a temptation. There were a few days when I wanted chocolate around 3 p.m., but it wasn't hard to redirect my attention. We went out to dinner Friday, and Atticus got a scoop of chocolate frozen custard, and I had two bites. It was really good, but I was able to stop and not miss it.
• The rest of my diet didn't change much. I made sure to eat breakfast every day (that's next week's challenge), and I brought my own lunch and snacks to work.
• I tried to increase my intake of produce.  
• I discovered that fat satisfies sugar cravings. Full-fat greek yogurt, even unsweetened, is incredibly satisfying, and you don't need a lot of it to do the trick. 

Exercise

The plan is to do 20 minutes cardio three days and two days of strength training.

• I did it! Elliptical machine and stretching at the gym Monday and Wednesday, two sets of the prescribed training circuit Tuesday, one on Thursday (no abs), and today I did 10 min on the elliptical machine and an extended training circuit. 
• My ankle hurt so bad after my workout this morning that I used my brace and a cane for half the day. Everything I'm doing is low-impact, and my PT even had me doing squats and lunges in my sessions, so I don't think the program is the problem. It's just my ankle. Time for cortisone. We'll see how long it lasts.
• I need to find a cardio exercise I enjoy. I'm going to get a bike for my birthday (when I can get up the nerve to drop a lot of money on a decent one), so maybe a ride around the neighborhood will do me more good than trudging on a machine. We're also close to the Jordan River Trail.

Goals

• Continue with patterns established this week: breakfast, pack lunch, exercise daily, make healthier choices.
• Pay closer attention to what upsets my stomach.
• Increase my strength training. While I'm tired after each set, I'm not sore later. Does that mean I'm not working hard enough? Or does that mean I've hit a "sweet spot" where I work just hard enough? I don't want to overdo it and not be able to walk or lift anything for three days, but I can probably increase the intensity a bit.

So there's my download for this week. Tomorrow I'll start prepping for week 2. :)

"Hunger" is not a four-letter word

I've been hungry lately. Constantly hungry. But I'm ok with that. It's a strange feeling. Let me explain.

I am trying to lose weight, but I don't believe in diets. Diets mean self-deprivation, which for me means setting myself up for failure. So I don't diet. I just eat less and exercise more, and so far it's been working.

But lately my appetite has been going crazy. I eat breakfast, and I'm still hungry. I eat a good lunch, and I'm still hungry. I have a snack, and I'm still hungry. I have dinner... you get the idea. The odd part is I can't think of anything else I want to eat. Sure, I could go eat another bowl of Cheerios right now. Or a peanutty granola bar. Or even potato chips and ranch dip. Nothing's stopping me, and it's all in my kitchen right now. I'm not counting points or limiting carbs or anything. But instead here I sit, hungry. And I don't mind. I just don't want those things right now. And I don't think they'd make the hunger go away. At least not for very long. And I'd rather be a little hungry than overfull and bloated.

This is an odd thing in my history, and quite revolutionary. Part of me hopes this is a permanent thing, and another part wonders how long it will last before I go back to eating everything in sight. We'll see.

I have a theory

("...that it's a demon. A dancing demon! No, something isn't right there.")

Ok, maybe less of a theory than a realization. Here's the background: I have two pairs of pants that, according to the tags, are the same size. But one is uncomfortably snug around the waist while the other literally falls down so bad I need a belt. I haven't needed a belt since high school, if even then. Very frustrating, this discrepancy in sizing.

And then just this week I figured out the difference. One is meant to sit at my waist, while the other is meant to sit on my hips. I carry most of my weight in my belly, and I've been losing weight in my hips and butt. So even though the hip pants ride across the peak of my belly, that circumference is still smaller than the hip/butt circumference of average woman my size. So the pants sag and slip. But I haven't been losing much in my waist, so the waist pants are still snug.

That, and every brand interprets sizing differently. Even so, I think I'll be shopping at Old Navy more, which is where the hip pants came from. I know size is just a number, but right now my ego could use some smaller numbers.

I don't know why anyone would care about this, but I felt the need to share. Enjoy. :)

Breaking barriers

Ok, that title sounds like I just won the nobel prize or something, but all I did was lose a few pounds. But oh how significant those pounds!

I'm going to break Woman Rule #1 and tell you how much I weigh/weighed: right before I got pregnant, I weighed about 190. This was the heaviest I'd ever been, a number I swore I'd never reach. Luckily I didn't gain a whole lot with pregnancy: my highest was about 205. But for a couple years before then I was in the 180s: sometimes high, sometimes low. I went on Weight Watchers a couple times and had some success, but I just couldn't get below 170. And after weeks of hovering at 170.2, 170.4, 170.0, I'd give up.

SO...imagine my delight when I stepped on the scale yesterday and saw 168! Woo hoo! I haven't seen the 160s for years! And I hope not to stay here long. I have 33 more pounds to lose before I hit my target weight of 135. That's toward the top of my healthy range, but it's a weight I think I can maintain. And considering that I weighed about 150 when I got married, it's a long time coming. I have no need to be a size 2 or to have ripped abs or Michelle Obama arms. But I want to be healthy, I want to be more active, and I want to be stronger.

And I just bought a sewing book that has cute skirts and dresses I want to make and look good in. It always comes back to vanity, doesn't it?

Anyway, I just had to share my success. And I'm going to need a lot of support to lose the rest of the weight, so I hope you don't mind if I post periodically about my progress.