Bleah.

So I just experienced my first mammogram. And even though the people were nice and it wasn't painful, afterward I still just wanted to curl up in bed with a bowl of ice cream and cry.

I haven't done any of those things yet, but I am at home in my comfy pants, contemplating the ice cream in the freezer. Maybe I should have lunch first...

Anyway, all I can say is if men had to undergo the same procedure for testicular cancer, they would have come up with a better imaging method by now.

Here's to more women in medical technology!

Good things.

This year hasn't been all bad. Here are a few good things I'd like to remember.

The day someone brought corgi puppies to work.

Atticus got baptized.

And started Cub Scouts.

I made it to Delicate Arch on a gimpy ankle.

Family outing to Antelope Island.

Mama-Atticus hike to a local waterfall. On a gimpy ankle.

Mesa Verde on a gimpy ankle. (I will not be broken!)

Quality time with my boy.

The day we discovered a new mall with a playground and comfortable seats. And a Pokegym.

I knit a yellow sweater and a I quite like it. We are in nice clothes at Dead Horse Point because we were there for a wedding. More about this trip in another post.

So there. 

Thoughts on deep cleaning.

Yesterday was a deep cleaning day, and it felt good. And now I'm restless to attack the rest of the house, but I'm going to pace myself.

By the time I got out of bed, James had cleaned the bathroom, started the laundry, made a shopping list, and raked up a bunch of leaves. I knew I had to pull my weight. So I attacked the kitchen. I moved the appliances on the counter, wiped them down, and cleaned underneath and around them. I cleaned the toaster oven and the top of the microwave. I organized the storage cabinet and moved a bunch of jars and miscellaneous items to the basement. I cleaned off the top of the storage cabinet and arranged the stuff on the refrigerator doors. I wiped down cabinet doors and cleaned the outside of the trash cans. Later I moved the couches and swept up the dust bunnies and found a bunch of interesting stuff.

So often in our cleaning we focus on the big stuff and just move things to the corners or shove them in a closet. (Or maybe I'm just speaking for myself here.) And most of the time that's fine. But I've been feeling cluttered lately, and just moving the piles of stuff or even throwing it away didn't feel like enough. All the junk and dust lurking in the corners was getting me down.

So now when I look at my kitchen there is still a pile of stuff on the table and assorted things on the counters. But the kitchen still feels clean. The living room feels clean.

A long time ago I heard someone say, "If you want a clean house, take care of the corners. Scrub those corners well, and the middle will take care of itself." I'm finding that to be true.

The implications and analogies here are endless. When life feels overwhelming and cluttered, pay attention to the dusty corners and closets where you shove stuff to deal with later. What am I avoiding? What have I hidden and ignored?

It's not all bad stuff. When I was going through some of my craft supplies to get ready to teach a class on making felt Christmas ornaments, I found a paper Christmas garland that I had started a couple years ago but never finished. I think I'll finish that this year. What other treasures might I find that I wasn't ready to complete before but might be ready to tackle now?

Anyway, those are my thoughts for today. I'm ready to start digging out of this painful year and start making progress again.

*Later*
It felt fantastic to be so productive, but by the time we went grocery shopping, my leg and ankle hurt enough that I regretted not bringing the cane. And this morning both legs hurt enough (the right one from taking me up and down the stairs several times yesterday) that I did take the cane to church. It was a helpful reminder that my inactivity hasn't been completely without reason. Trying not to overdo it.

Thoughts on a difficult year.

It's strange to look back and realize how much my ankle has dominated my life this year. And that it really has been all year. It was in January that I tried a new treatment that initially eliminated the pain but quickly devolved into pain comparable to the original injury--I couldn't walk without crutches for a month. Cortizone in March. Surgery in June. Still in a brace. Still a bit freaked out that my upper fibula is just floating free. And I expect to be uncomfortable through the end of the year. 

An entire year. 

The stranger part is to realize the side effects of this trouble, especially in my relationship with my husband. He has been a patient caregiver all this time, and in many ways I've become an entitled receiver. I take for granted that he does most of the housework and cooking now. I haven't been a complete invalid, except for a week or so after the surgery, but I've gotten very comfortable on the couch. Now that I'm more mobile, I'm finding it a little difficult to resume some of these roles. I like being taken care of. But it's time to get moving again. Time to "rise from the dust" so to speak.

Here I go.