It's not about the eggs.

Meet our lovely ladies, Lucille, Ruby, and Becky. James named them after women in Kenny Rogers songs. We inherited them from our neighbors, who were tired of cleaning up chicken poop. And after having them just a couple weeks, I can see what they mean. I had no idea how much chickens poop. And the neighbors let them out of their small enclosure a few times a week to run free all over the back yard, which meant poop was everywhere. So when we got them I made sure that their enclosure was big enough for them to scratch, dust bathe, and exercise so we wouldn't have to let them out of it. Ever. And I have dedicated one pair of shoes to be my "chicken shoes," and they don't go past the back door. 

I'd been wanting to get chickens for a while now, but the start-up costs and planning and decisions were a little prohibitive. Where would we raise chicks? Buy a coop or build one? What design? How much is this all going to cost? And in one fell swoop, all of those decisions were made. The neighbor wouldn't let us pay him for anything, including almost-full bags of bedding and food pellets, heat lamps, and a watering container we can plug in in the winter so it doesn't freeze. The coop is made of crumbling particle board and will need to be upgraded/replaced soon, but it works for now. 

We get two eggs a day, one greenish white (from Lucille) and one brown. I'm not sure if only one red hen is laying or if they're alternating. Becky has an injured foot, which made me think maybe she wasn't laying, but she seems healthy otherwise. Her comb and wattle are bright and firm, which the internet says is a sign of good health. They're all eating and scratching and getting around fine. 

And they love us. Ruby (I think she's the alpha) used to peck the neighbor's feet whenever he entered their enclosure, but we've never been pecked. Well, I did get pecked on the hand the first day we got them, but I guess that was enough to put me in my place. They get all excited when we go into the back yard, following our movements and clustering where they are in the photos. I don't think they got food scraps very often before, and they never got "scratch," or the mix of wheat and corn and millet that they love. They also needed some calcium supplementation (oyster shells) to improve their eggshells. I feel like we've improved their quality of care, and they seem to like being here. 

So now I'm trying to figure out why I love having them so much, what need they fill. Because like the title of this post says, it's not about the eggs. My friend's 9-year-old daughter gets all wistful when she talks about how we get "fresh eehggs," which always makes me think of this video, which still makes me laugh since the first time I saw it (thanks, Suz). The eggs are great, don't get me wrong. But I can get really good eggs at the store for not too much money. And honestly, I don't eat eggs that often (though I plan to eat more now). But it still makes me very, very happy to see them out in our yard. 

They're not pets, and I don't pet or touch them or try to feed them out of my hand. I love that I can feed them my yellow lettuce that would otherwise go in the trash, but it's more than a practical thing. I feel silly saying that it's more of a spiritual thing, because it's not like I'm learning life lessons or anything. 

But it's more like I feel more connected to life. More real somehow. When I was applying for the job I knew that the trade off if I got it was that I would have to keep things at home pretty simple. Surface cleaning. Surface meal planning. Surface gardening. All so I could be more than a surface wife and mother. Yes, James would take a larger role in all of those things, so it's not like they'd be neglected, but my participation would be surface-level. When I didn't get the job, I asked God, "now what?" And the impression I got was "deeper roots at home." 

I can't quite explain how, but the hens are part of those deeper roots. I'm working only three days a week so I can stretch those roots. Deeper cleaning. More cooking (still working on that, but I did make three kinds of fruit leather last week). Garden planning and preparation. Eventually I'll get to sewing and lotion making and family history and piano. 

But for now I have hens, and that's enough.

Starting Over

Ok. I had a few bad weeks with the diet, and I didn't get the job I really (really!) wanted. I got knocked down and thrown for a loop.

But I'm back up. I went to the gym today, and I signed up for a 6-week "boot camp" class. I'm doing the diet challenge again, starting by cutting out all drinks but water and unsweetened herbal tea.

At work, I still feel a twinge in my gut whenever I think of all the problems that made me want to leave, but it's time to stop whining and move forward. The project manager is advocating for me to take a bigger role, though exactly how is still to be defined. I also asked the writing manager to help me find a mentor for web and social media writing. That's my weak point, and it's the direction the field is heading, like it or not. And it will help me write for a more general audience, which is what got the other guy the job I wanted. 

This quote came to mind today:

"In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." --Eric Hoffer

It's time.

Temporary Detour?

My goodness, the last two weeks have felt like an epic fail. I want to turn it around, and I'm just not feeling motivated. Help!

My diet slipped and I didn't make it to the gym for a week, and when I got on the scale I was back to my starting weight. Worse, when I got on the machine at the gym, I was panting like I'd never worked out. I worked hard to achieve so little, and with one bad week I lost all the ground I'd gained.

I was so discouraged I spiraled into even worse habits this week. Because that makes so much sense, right?

My body feels terrible, and I'm grumpier and more irritable than before. Yes, I'm experiencing a higher-than-normal level of stress. I've applied for a new job, a process that started in January and finally reached the interview stage a week ago Wednesday. I'd been hoping to hear back within a few days, but the person in charge of hiring was traveling all last week, so I'm crossing my fingers for the upcoming week. It really is cruel and unusual treatment to stretch out the hiring process this long, but they're historians, so maybe they have a different concept of "a long time." And I really, really want this job, so I will wait as patiently as I have to.

But it's not like getting this job will completely change my eating and exercise habits, though they do have a rule of no food in the office (the office is in the same building as the library and archive, so food is a big no-no). Right now I'm surrounded by snacks and eat primarily at my desk, so that would certainly change. And my office would be on the 4th floor, so I could take the stairs more.

Anyway. I'm frustrated with myself. Why is it so hard to translate knowledge into action? What is the key to making it stick?

Week 5

Weigh in: down half a pound.

Last week was rough. I got sick, and I just felt drained and grumpy all week. I made it to the gym once, and I did a bare-bones workout at home one day. Plus James got a box of chocolate from Indonesia and a dozen Kinder Surprise eggs from Canada, so my "no sugar" goals didn't stick. But the strange thing is, the sugar didn't satisfy me. I even broke out my fancy dark chocolate bar, and it was disappointing. I still craved good desserts, but I didn't cave.

Successes: I tried a 30-minute "boot camp" class at the gym. It was tough, but it pushed me harder than I push myself. They're starting the 4-week session again next month, and I plan to join. I also exercised at home when I really just wanted to stay in bed.

Goals for this week: Limit carbs (no specific guidelines). No fast food. Increase exercise duration/intensity.

How do I plan to limit carbs and junk this week? What foods do I need to replace, and what will I replace them with?
The key word here is PLAN. Saturday I wrote out a menu and committed to actually cook and prepare meals. Last night we had lime-ginger mahi mahi, and it was delicious. Super easy. James and Atticus even liked it, and James doesn't generally like fish. I don't think I can add it to the weekly rotation, but maybe once a month. On the side we had sautéed baby bok choi and brown rice with cilantro.

My biggest concern is lunch. I normally take leftovers, but I knew we wouldn't have leftover fish, and some of the other meals I planned wouldn't have leftovers either. So after dinner I stayed in the kitchen and made a batch of chicken-and-veggie patties. Prep was super easy with the food processor. Cooking took the longest, but even with that I was done within an hour. I made about 13 larger patties instead of 30 minis. They were tasty. Kind of like an omelet, strangely, but in a good way. I froze half for the future. Oh, and I also baked some chicken thighs for a recipe I'm making later this week.

Tonight is chili dogs for convenience and to keep my boys happy. I'll cut up carrots and celery to go with them. After dinner I plan to make a batch of granola and shred cabbage and carrots for a peanutty slaw I'm making later this week. I greatly prefer to prep a couple days ahead, when the pressure is off. I can enjoy the process rather than worry about getting food on the table quickly. I need to remember this.

Look back over the past month. What positive changes have I made?
I'm exercising again, and I like it. I'm eating more vegetables and planning my meals better. I'm spending less time on the couch. I've stopped raiding the snack cabinet at work. I wore a knee-length skirt to church yesterday for the first time in forever. I'm spending more time outside. All great things.

Update

I weighed myself again this morning, and I'm down two pounds from yesterday, so my total loss so far is three pounds.

And, small miracle, I could walk without pain this morning. My ankle is getting more sore as the day goes on, but I'm walking without a brace or a cane, so hallelujah! I'll wear a brace to the gym tonight.

Buoyed by these positives, I just walked away from a double-layer ganache chocolate cake from Market Street. I'm still kind of hyperventilating inside, which is embarrassing because come on, it's just cake.

Week 4

I'm up a pound. This is supposed to be normal, because I'm building muscle. And I am building muscle. Not that anyone else would notice, but I can feel it in my arms, and this morning I found a nice little bulge in my calf while I was shaving. My body feel stronger--I carried the heavy bags of groceries without even noticing the weight. So this is all good and worth it. But being up a pound, especially when I've only lost 2 in three weeks, still stinks.

And I overworked my ankle Saturday, so I've been hobbling in pain for two days. I had expected to feel better today, but no luck. Which means I'm not going to the gym today. Hopefully tomorrow.

This last week we were allowed to have one dessert if we wanted, so with it being Easter and conference I indulged a little. But really only a little. I had one hollow chocolate egg, some Doritos, and three medium-size meringues with lemon curd and strawberries for dessert (yum!). And still I don't miss or crave sweets.

Today I took the day off to spend time with James, who has spring break today and tomorrow. Atticus went back to school today after his spring break last week, so it was nice to have some adult time. We went out to breakfast at our favorite French bakery, and I had hot chocolate, vegetable quiche with salad and rosemary roasted potatoes, and two macarons for dessert. I haven't made yummy noises in a restaurant in a long time, but I did today. But not for the macarons. They were just ok.

Now my "vacation" is over, and it's time to get back on track. Dinner tonight is greek salad, which is homemade potato salad mixed with romaine, tomatoes, feta, and olives with a lemony vinaigrette. When you mix it up the potato salad becomes part of the dressing, so it's not so heavy. I make it with delicious avocado-oil mayo, full of all those good fats. :)

The goal this week is to eat healthy meals--watching portion sizes, avoiding processed food, and increasing produce. She outlines a new strength training routine, but it's kind of high impact, so I'm going to continue with the one I've been doing. She also has a new ab workout.

Questions for Week 4
How do I feel about reducing my portion sizes? 
I'm ok with it. I don't feel like I have a real problem in that area, though I could certainly improve.

Is there a certain food that is tripping me up each week (as in, I eat too much of it)? How could I deal with that this week?
I seem to have replaced sugar with fat. They're all "good fats"--nuts, eggs, unsweetened dairy--but they're still fat. The nice thing about fat is that it helps keep you feeling full longer. I can eat a cup of yogurt and honey or half a peanut butter bar and feel satisfied for a while, but crackers or apples or carrots just don't have the same effect, no matter how many I eat. I think I'll cut back my portion sizes for the fats and increase produce to balance it out.

How am I feeling about my body? Is it growing in strength?
See above. I'm frustrated with the scale but satisfied overall.

What does the future look like if I continue developing these new habits?
It looks pretty good. Even if I never lose another pound (which I really really hope won't be the case), I like what exercising has done for me so far. I've been toying with the idea of getting a fancy blender for smoothies instead of a bike, but I really want the bike. I love being outside, and I'm really looking forward to exploring the neighborhood on a bike. I still want the blender, though...

Have I planned my exercises and meals for this week?
Kind of. I know what we're eating for four or five meals, and I know what I want to do at the gym once my ankle starts cooperating again. I just don't know which days I'll go.

Do I have any favorite exercises?
I really like hand weights and squats. I did 50 squats Saturday (20 with weights), and other than my ankle, I didn't have trouble walking. A few years ago I did 50 squats and I couldn't walk straight for three days. So that's something.

Birdie trash talk

These little birds hang out by our side door all day. There's a third one (maybe more) sitting inside the tray at the inside top of the eave. They chirp all day, talking to these birds next door:

Again there are three or four of them at this house. They chirp back and forth, fluttering from roof to railing to bricks. They never fly from one house to the other.

This morning as I watched and listened to them, I could almost hear them trash-talking each other. "Yeah? You think you're sooo great because your house has bricks? Well, we've got a dog with a bell. Boo-yah!"